When I was younger, there was nothing quite so dull as talking about genealogy.  My eyes would glaze over as I listened to my grandparents talk about our relatives.  Now, I wish I had paid more attention.  I want to know about these relatives that came before me.  What were their stories?  What made them tick?  Am I like them in any way? Where we come from is essential and exciting.  Genealogy is more than just a list of names.  Each name represents a human being who had thoughts, actions, emotions, and dreams. There are ancestry websites that can answer some of these names, but it leaves out the story of their life. I am blessed to have an aunt that can connect some of the dots and tell me stories to make these people come alive.

Have you ever stopped to look at Jesus’ genealogy?  I admit, when I would read the first chapter of Matthew, I would skim through the list of names to get to what I considered the good stuff.  This year I am in a Bible study studying Matthew.  This in-depth look made me stop and look at the list of names.  They became real to me, not just figures from my childhood Sunday School classes. I saw unfamiliar people and those I was familiar with, such as Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, David, Solomon, down to Joseph and Mary.  In between are generations of people I had not heard of in Sunday School stories but were just as crucial as the familiar names.  Each person had a place in history.

When I started to look at these people, I quickly saw some surprises.  Tamar and Rahab were prostitutes; Ruth was a Moabite.  Not everyone in this prestigious line was Jewish.  Jesus came to save everyone, not just Abraham’s chosen line. God used a Moabite woman.  These people were enemies of God’s people and worshipped another deity.  Tamar grew tired of waiting for God to answer her prayers, so she tricked her father-in-law into sleeping with her and became pregnant. Rahab protected the spies when they came to check out the land of Canaan. The Israelites spared her and her family when they conquered Jericho. Keeping a promise, they had made earlier. But when I think about the heroes of faith, I see that they are equally flawed. They stuggled with disobedience, deceit, adultery, murder and unfaithfulness to God’s direction in their life.  I am a deeply flawed person who God can use to further His Kingdom. If God chose to use imperfect human beings to bring redemption and salvation into this sin-marred world, then there is hope for me.  I can trust in God’s Sovereignty to forgive my mistakes and sins.

I thought about Mary and Ruth.  They both had the right heart attitude, although they were still imperfect and sinful. God can use anyone for His glory, and our part is a true belief, right heart attitude, and a willingness to be used by Him. We all have different stories and different family lines. However, Jesus’ genealogy proves to us that good can come out of evil and dysfunction. 

Mary – highly favored, was chosen to be Jesus’ mother.  Wow!! Imagine giving birth to the redeemer of the world.  With her obedience came trials.  Would Joseph reject her? What would the other people say? Would she be put to death for being unmarried and pregnant?  I am sure she had a lot of fear and anxiety. Her obedience came with a price.  Our obedience may cost us something also.  By obeying God, we are going against this world’s ideas and ways. Whatever God asks me to do, may I respond as Mary did; “I am the Lord’s servant,” Mary answered.  “May it be to me as you have said.” (Luke 1:38)

Matthew chapter one is a story of God’s grace, mercy, and His will prevailing.  He can and does bring good out of every situation.  The heroes in this line were not perfect or better than us; they had a heart that longed after God.  There was hurt and brokenness in these people’s stories. They experienced God’s love and forgiveness, and it changed them.  God’s love and forgiveness can also change us.  We must acknowledge our sin, turn from it and allow God to change our hearts.

God has a plan and will use people to bring it to fruition.  Sometimes He uses unbelievers to fulfill His way.  Look at King Saul and the Pharisees and Sadducees.  They could not stop God from fulfilling His plan to put King Jesus on His throne through the line of David.  God had already decided this would happen, and no one could stand in His way.  And look at all the Jewish people crying out for Jesus’ crucifixion.  Would the authorities have gone all the way to killing Jesus if the people were not crying out for it?  And yet, Jesus had to go to the cross to die for our sins.  Praise God Jesus was obedient and faithful to God the Father and fulfilled God’s plan for His creation.

I don’t know the stories of all the people in Jesus’ line. However, I do know they served a purpose in God’s plan to bring His perfect Son at the perfect time to redeem this sin-scarred, deeply flawed human race.  We needed a Savior.  And Jesus is the answer to our need.

I serve a purpose, and so do you.  It is to bring glory to God.  We all have different paths and directions to fulfill.  God will help us if we ask Him and turn our hearts and minds to Him.  Two things I know for sure are that I can fully trust in God’s sovereignty and that he is immutable.  God is not relying on my faithfulness.  He needs nothing from me to bring about His will.  Amazingly, He chooses to allow me to partake in His plans.  I pray that I have a heart that longs after Him and my heart remains soft and tender to the Spirit’s leading.

Whenever I think that I am not good enough or too sinful for God to use me or be glorified in me, I now think of Jesus’ genealogy.  God will use sinful people with changed hearts who make themselves available to Him.  It is not about what we bring to the table but about who God is.  That thought brings me hope.

I am not sure how many times I have found myself standing over a sink with stain remover in one hand and a piece of clothing in the other. With three kids, there have been many stained articles over the years.  The most recent stain involved my daughters’ favorite jeans and a brand-new shirt.  She had been involved in a school project and got purple paint on her clothes. Needless to say, she was not in the best of moods when she came home from school.  I told her we would work on it and see what we could do. Step one, soak the pants and shirt and see if the paint will soften. Step two, start scrubbing.

While working on these spots, I thought about the steps I have taken over the years to remove stains in my life.  Had I just soaked my behaviors, let them soften up, hoping they would magically change, or had I actively scrubbed them? Did I try to take care of them on my own, or did I go to God and seek His help in overcoming my sin?  Had I taken the time to deal with whatever needed to be changed?  Did I remove myself from situations that I knew were not good for me? Had I limited time spent with people who may have been more toxic than a good influence, changed the channel on a show or movie, or put down a book that tore down rather than lifted?  Did I submit to the Holy Spirit when He showed me areas that needed growth or cutting down? Did I minimize the destructiveness of long-held behaviors or beliefs because they were comfortable and I enjoyed them?

My daughter had great faith in my ability to get the paint out of her clothes.  I told her I was not confident that it would come out of her jeans, and it was well set by the time she got home.  She encouraged me to try, and if all of it didn’t come out, if most of it did, that was o.k.  How different when dealing with my spiritual issues.  Total removal is necessary; I must have complete surrender to God’s scrubbing.  If I try to do it on my own, I will not get all the stain out, and inevitably it will return.  I thought about letting Jesus scrub my sins away.  He can get out every speck, leaving no remnant. 

I realized that it never seems to happen to clothes that are less important to us.  If these were old clothes, I would have said; you got your use out of them. Just use them when you want to get dirty.  Is this how I look at my behaviors?  Maybe some behaviors are not worth keeping and could just be abandoned.  This action would permanently remove the stain.  Other behaviors are more important and worth saving. Perhaps something is at its heart good; it just needs some tweaking to be worthwhile.  I realize that I need to go to God frequently for a spot check-up any way I look at this.

Sometimes I may only require a laundry pre-treat, and the stain disappears.  Maybe I can see the disruption early, go to God in prayer, and efficiently take care of the spot.  But what about the areas that seem firmly set?  Sometimes it seems, God needs to thoroughly scrub my heart for me to let go of whatever is staining me.  This scrubbing may hurt at the time, but I can trust Him that removing this blotch is for the best because God knows what is best for me.  Sometimes, we see something wrong and ask God for help.  I think about Jesus healing the man with leprosy, Matthew 8:1-3. This man experienced physical healing of spots, and in turn, Jesus healed his heart.  Other times, we may not think something is a problem, and we are unaware that we need a spot removed.  Look at the woman at the well, (John 4).  She was living her life and had no idea how her life would change by encountering Jesus.  She needed internal spots healed and healing of her heart.  Jesus heals both physical and spiritual areas.

As I was scrubbing, I thought about Lady Macbeth in Shakespeare’s play, Macbeth.  The spot she is referring to, in the famous line, is blood from the murder she had helped commit.  I know the two are not the same. She is dealing with guilt from murdering King Duncan, and I am trying to scrub out a literal stain. However, I was thinking, “Out, damned spot! Out, I say!…  It took time and elbow grease, but I did manage to get the paint out of the shirt and most out of the pants.  I am so grateful that when I give my heart to my loving God, He removes all my stains, spots, and guilt. An area to be dealt with may be a behavior, attitude, habit, or addiction, anything that keeps me from putting God first.  Anything that keeps me from total surrender needs to come under God’s authority. Jesus promises to remove my sin as far as the east is from the west (Psalm 103:12).  By accepting Jesus as my Savior, even though my sins are as scarlet, I am cleansed by the blood of Jesus, and I become white as snow.   

Clothing is not the only thing in our house that gets stained.  Carpet, upholstery, and bedding, to name a few others.  There are different types of stain removers depending on what is soiled and what the mark is.  Over the years, I have seen stains resurface.  Sometimes, I think I have gotten all the stain cleaned only to realize it came back.  The affected article will never be perfect again.  Stain removal may leave the fabric weakened or with some other mark.  When I was 20, I was diagnosed with malignant melanoma.  There was a spot on my arm, and it needed to be removed.  Praise God, the cancer was just in the mole and was easily removed.  The thing is, that spot removal has left a mark on my arm.  Every time I look at that scar, I am reminded that God took care of me during a very dark time in my life.  First, He led me to get the mole looked at, and then He provided a great surgeon.  I wouldn’t say that He necessarily scrubbed me during this time, but I am stronger in my faith as I reflect on how good God was to me.  I look at this time as His gentle touch turning my mind and heart back to Him.  I look forward to the day when I have a new body and it is not scared by trials and tribulations of this world.

Like the man with leprosy and the woman at the well, I need Jesus to come in and remove my spots.  I must do my part by giving up control and allowing Jesus to come in and clean me up.  I have first to acknowledge that things need to be removed and bow my heart to God.  But praise God. He faithfully removes my sins, and with Him, they can disappear forever.   

As is so typical, another day and another spot to be removed: mud out of my white dining chair.  This is just like my life, as God deals with one area in my life another one seems to surface that needs His loving attention.  This will continue as long as I am alive and living in this sin-filled world.  I will always struggle against my flesh, but I have the assurance that God is here with me and helping me.  I will never reach perfection, but I am being sanctified and made righteous through Jesus dying on the cross to save me from my sins.

The next time I am armed with stain remover and a scrub brush, I hope to stop and ask God what needs cleansing in me.  As God shows me areas, I pray that I humbly submit to the Holy Spirit as He removes my spots. “Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.” Psalm 51:10

Have you ever felt like your life is like living in a boxing ring? After a couple of rounds, you quickly figure out that you are in over your head and outmaneuvered. You are going against a crafty foe, Satan. No matter how old you are, you are a newbie.  Your opponent has had thousands of years of practice and has practiced on countless victims.   There are two types of boxing matches: amateur and professional.  You think you are in an amateur match, but your enemy is a professional.  He has honed his craft and knows what to use on the unfortunate victim that just, sometimes unknowingly, entered the ring.  Some boxing matches are quickly over; some go round after round. I can not see my enemy. However, I feel the effects of all those punches he and his evil dominion throw my way.  It is important to remember that we are not facing these challenges alone.  God is with us during every trial, attack, and obstacle that we face.  I frequently call upon warrior angels to encamp around me for protection and fight this unseen enemy for me. 

Struggles and trials come at us from all directions.  At first, it may just be a few soft jabs.  The opposition is just getting warmed up.  Over time it goes from a few jabs to left or right hooks and a few uppercuts.  Before you know it, you are in a full-frontal assault.  You are broken, bruised, and worn out. Ephesians 6:12 tells us that our struggle is not against flesh and blood but the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.  You hobble back to your corner to rest and revive.  While you are in your corner, you have time with your trainer.  Friends and family may try to help as you try to make sense of what is going on.  They can offer encouragement and prayer.  However, your biggest supporter is the Holy Spirit.  He encourages, comforts, and draws us to our Heavenly Father.  There is so much wisdom in spending as much time as possible in Bible reading and prayer. It is essential to spend time with God but especially during times of assault.  Romans 8:37 says, “No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.”  There is hope and victory.  As 1 Corinthians states, “But thanks be to God!  He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ”.

I recently found myself in this situation.  There had been so much going on within my family.  Just when I thought I was going to get a breather, something else came up.  A little while before this assault started, I felt like God told me to put on His full armor every day.  I was heading into battle.  I started doing this, having no idea of the battle that was about to be waged against my family and me.  One of Satan’s main goals is to get us to walk away from our faith or give up on God. When the enemy could not get his desired outcome against me personally, he went after my family to get to me.  An intense internal battle, as well as stress within my family, ensued. Praise God that He is faithful and gives me strength every day.  I have learned the value of pressing into God by prayer and reading His Word.  The only way I am still standing is because I finally learned not to fight my enemy in my strength. Thankfully, after some time, my family and I came through this trial more solid and closer.   Victory through Christ!

All of us face battles. It is best to start the day by praying and asking God for His protection, power, authority, and strength as we go about the business of living.  I highly recommend putting on the full armor of God (Ephesians 6).   Claim God’s promises that He is always with us will never leave us or forsake us; He is our Good Shepherd and our protector.  We cannot fight in our strength. However, in God’s strength and power, we can be victorious.  Psalm 46:1 “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.”  God is on my side, and He already defeated my enemy at the cross by raising His perfect Son from the dead.  Even on days when the enemy catches me by surprise, and I lose ground, the war is not lost.  I cannot give up in the time of setback and give over anything to an enemy who wants to destroy me.  I take the opportunity to reconnect to my source of strength, pray and press into God.  Get up and shake off the ugly voice of the enemy.  I don’t have to wallow in defeat but know that I can go out in victory and start again. Through the power of my risen Savior, I can live to fight another day.

None of this is easy.  There have been many days that I just wanted to give up, pull the covers over my head, and try to ignore what was happening around me.  I was so tired of fighting, worn out to the point of despair.  Fear and anxiety were my companions all day long.  It is so important to have the Word of God hidden in our hearts. Through God’s presence, we have the strength to get up and live victoriously. Meditate on Psalm 73:26 “My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” 

The attack I faced had been some of the most challenging days I had ever had.  If I had known what was coming at me, I would have tried to hide.   Put your trust in God and rely on Him, not yourself, and you will see Him defend, strengthen, encourage, sustain and help you.  When you find yourself in a boxing ring with your enemy, go back to your corner and let your defender finish the fight for you. He is a very present help in trouble.

 My daughter spent the summer with us before beginning her full-time job in Dallas.  She likes to do activities on the weekend, especially outdoor enterprises.  She has done hiking before, but my husband and I are not avid outdoors people. We decided to take a hike up Crowder Mountain.  We felt we could handle this hike.  We let her choose the path, and naturally, she decided on the strenuous trail.  My husband and I thought, “How bad could it be?”  After all, it is not a steep mountain.

We began our two-mile excursion on a gentle incline that quickly progressed in intensity.  There were old stumps and stones in the path, and you had to pay attention, or you may stumble and fall.  Sometimes the trail got close to the edge; you had to walk towards the other side to stay away from the drop-off.  There was amazing beauty as well as destruction all around as we journeyed up the mountain.  There was evidence of controlled burns to keep everyone safe and trees that naturally fell.  It got me thinking about my life.  I realized that sometimes God does a controlled burn in my life.  Controlled burns serve a purpose. These situations may be difficult or ugly at the time, but necessary. Or I may have to make an effort to get rid of activities, circumstances, thoughts or things that are dead in my life and are no longer needed to keep me safe and allow for future growth.  Either way, at times, I need to be open to letting things go for my preservation, safety, and growth.

The climb got steep, and we needed to stop and take breaks and drink water so we could keep going.  We passed people who had already made it to the top, and they encouraged us to keep going – they assured us the view from the top was stunning! We kept climbing, figuring we had to be close to the pinnacle.  The hardest part came at the end when we were tired and sweaty.  Right before the remaining steps to the top is a big sign warning people had died beyond this point.  But hey, we had come too far to turn back.  We climbed the remaining steps; at the end of that path is a view so beautiful that we stood there just admiring the beauty of creation. There were giant boulders and old trees to sit on to recover.  A wonderful breeze to cool us off.   Well worth the climb!

I thought about life’s journey.  All of what I was doing to climb up a mountain was true about my journey through life.  I have a path to follow, steep at times – filled with obstacles to make me stumble if I am not paying attention.  There are rest stops along the way to catch my breath.  But at the end of this journey is an incredible place waiting for me since I have chosen Jesus as my Savior – Heaven!  No one experiences heaven and comes back to tell us how fantastic it is, but God’s word does. He inspired people to write down His message so we could read it.  He gives us a glimpse in Revelation 21 and 22:1-5.  He tells us how beautiful His home is, and He wants us there with Him.

On our way down, we encouraged weary hikers to keep going.  I realize that is something we can all do.  We can reassure weary travelers on this journey of life.  If you have seen God’s glory, provision, protection, goodness, or faithfulness, then share this with someone who is at the most challenging point on their journey so far.  It may just keep someone going to see God’s awesome character in their own life. We all need encouragement to not give up and to keep moving forward.

My family and I began a new journey in January, ’18.  We, four of us, moved from Texas to North Carolina. I left my oldest child in Texas as she was in college. It was difficult but we felt it was what God had for us.  Everything fell into place.  God gave us a great job for my husband back on the east coast, closer to our families, and a great flight route for our daughter to fly back and forth.  We had friends in Texas in case she needed anything.  Everything looked great.  How hard could it be?   I mean this was God’s will for us, right?  He promises to never leave us or forsake us, so we began our journey.  It was difficult right from the start.  A freak ice storm delayed our departure; ok we can handle this. We made it to NC.  First thing, get the kids enrolled in school.  The school system was big and not very helpful.  It was terrifying, but we made it through.   Dropping my kids at school (8^th and 11^thgrade) was awful.  I would come home every day and sit on the stairs and cry.  I felt alone, abandoned, and guilty for doing this to my kids.  I prayed and prayed for strength; I prayed for my children as they adjusted to new schools, new friends.  Time passed. I put my head down and just moved ahead. One day at a time. God was with us and life did improve eventually.

I was in a Bible study, studying the Israelites as they journeyed to the promised land.  I thought of them and how they murmured and complained in the wilderness on their way to the promised land.  They wanted to go back . Return to what they knew and into slavery, instead of continuing into what the Almighty, Sovereign God had planned for them.  They were scared, filled with anxiety and doubt.  Even after God showed them his power and love, providing manna and water, and many other examples of his power and presence, they still wanted more.  I thought, how senseless of them.  Didn’t they know they were in God’s tender hands and covered by his love and mercy?  I mean, they saw His power on display back in Egypt, with plagues that they were spared from, and how God passed over their first-born sons, if they put blood on the door frames.  They wanted to return to Egypt, and I realized human nature does not change. I wanted to go back, and I ignored all the times God showed me his power, authority, love, and mercy in my life.  God had shown me his power and authority through my husband’s job. He provided a wonderful home in a great neighborhood; our house in TX sold quickly.  Still, I had so much anxiety and fear which led to a spirit of murmuring and complaining.   All I could think was how hard a time I was having, and if I could just go back, the kids would be better off.  How senseless of me!!

God is so patient and loving.  This became very evident to me in the weeks and months following our move.  God gave me two great friends, almost immediately.  They were there for me to encourage me, pray for me, and welcome me with open arms.  Around the same time it became quickly evident that my son was going to need some help in math.  God divinely led us to a fantastic tutoring center. My son passed his math class and saw the importance of hard work and determination.  The blessing did not stop with a passing grade. I made another friend, and eventually my son worked for this center, working his way up to Assistant Head Instructor.  I was struggling but I was not abandoned. God continued to pour Himself into me in lavish ways.  I did not deserve such care.

 I have had many ups and downs over the three years of living here, but I continue to trust God for guidance and direction.  I must remind myself to run the race with perseverance, and most importantly, I am not alone on this journey.  I know this promise was for Joshua as he was leading the people into the promised land, but I have claimed it for myself: “No one will be able to stand against you all the days of your life.  As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you.” Joshua 1:5.  No one or thing can stop me on this journey, except, I guess myself.  And since I feel God called me to this journey, I want to be faithful to stay the course and bring God glory.  I remind myself I am not alone and even though some days it is all uphill, with no plateau in sight, I keep going.  For no one can stand against me because God is for me.  My prayers have changed from those winter mornings of dropping off kids.  God has grown me in my faith and attitude. The journey so far has been worth it, if for nothing else, I have learned to trust God more.  My prayer now is that God will be glorified through my life.  This will give me the meaning and purpose I have been seeking.  I have tried to stop complaining about the trials along the way, and just enjoy the journey, but to be honest, this is very difficult.  We all want an easy path; resistance is discouraging. If I could change my mindset and look at some of these times as God’s love to me. Opportunities to strengthen me, grow me, and mature me, I would be much better off.   I have no idea what is next, but I am excited to see how Jesus guides me and continues to provide His presence with me.

No matter what journey you are on or where you are on that journey, I encourage you to trust God.  He knows what is best for each of us and how to accomplish it for His glory and our good.

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I feel like I have done a lot of wandering in the wilderness of life over the past 22 years.  Never quite sure where I would end up.  Many moves, new houses, schools for kids, and new churches have left me feeling alone and wandering.  Where are my roots? Who are my people? Where do I fit in? Will I always be the outsider?

I am a stay-at-home mom to three wonderful children.  I am blessed to be able to do that full time.  But, it has left me feeling lost most days.  Who am I?  I have dedicated my life to serving my family and in doing that I lost myself.  Trying to stay on top of everything and everyone is tough.  Now the kids are getting older and launching out into their own lives.  Two have left the nest. That is what is supposed to happen.  It is what we all want for our children, to be successful outside of the home.  But, now what?

What is my purpose? For the past several years I have felt like I was in a desert place.  This could be defined as a barren or desolate area especially: A dry, often sandy region of little rainfall, extreme temperatures and spare vegetation. And an empty or forsaken place.  If I am willing to accept that I am truly in a desert place, barren and desolate, then am I really trusting God’s promise that He will never forsake me (Deuteronomy 31:6). The truth that He is with me gives me hope and joy even when circumstances don’t change immediately.

I studied Genesis this year and I was so encouraged.  I may be in a desert place – but God has meaning and purpose for it.  He will meet me there.  And more than that He will provide for me.  The story of Hagar, Genesis 21, is a great example of this. Even though she had been rejected by Abraham and her household, God saw her in the desert and supplied all her needs. He spoke to her through an angel and cared about what was distressing her and Ishmael. She was running out of water and thought she and Ishmael would die. Not only did he fulfill his promise to make Ishmael into a great nation through his descendants, He opened her eyes and she was able to see a well full of water.

So, while I wait in my desert place I choose to seek peace.  Not give the enemy any space to tempt me back to unbelief and doubt.  Honestly, this is a daily struggle.  The thought “what about me?” “what is my purpose?” “what will I do when the last child leaves the nest?” constantly rears it ugly head to tempt me to worry and dwell in anxiety.  I have a choice, believe God’s promise of Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.”, or not and go into despair.  Praise God! He faithfully shows up and encourages me to trust in Him.  He comforts me and gives me peace through His Word.  This is why it is so important to stay connected to God through daily Bible reading and study.  I am also grateful for friends who share their own stories of how God showed up in their life and provided their needs at just the right time. I realize I can have peace in this world.

I am on a journey and through Bible study and Holy Spirit enlightenment the scriptures have come alive this year.  This blog is just about how God shows me Himself either in everyday  activities or through the study of His Word.  Some days are good and some are bad but one thing I know for certain is He is an amazing God and worthy of my trust and adoration. In times of doubt I remember what God said to Joshua. “As I was with Moses, so I will be with you”, Joshua 1:5. I just say to myself, I am not alone and the same God who was with Moses is with me.  This brings peace.  And don’t we all need more peace in our lives?