My family and I began a new journey in January, ’18. We, four of us, moved from Texas to North Carolina. I left my oldest child in Texas as she was in college. It was difficult but we felt it was what God had for us. Everything fell into place. God gave us a great job for my husband back on the east coast, closer to our families, and a great flight route for our daughter to fly back and forth. We had friends in Texas in case she needed anything. Everything looked great. How hard could it be? I mean this was God’s will for us, right? He promises to never leave us or forsake us, so we began our journey. It was difficult right from the start. A freak ice storm delayed our departure; ok we can handle this. We made it to NC. First thing, get the kids enrolled in school. The school system was big and not very helpful. It was terrifying, but we made it through. Dropping my kids at school (8th and 11thgrade) was awful. I would come home every day and sit on the stairs and cry. I felt alone, abandoned, and guilty for doing this to my kids. I prayed and prayed for strength; I prayed for my children as they adjusted to new schools, new friends. Time passed. I put my head down and just moved ahead. One day at a time. God was with us and life did improve eventually.
I was in a Bible study, studying the Israelites as they journeyed to the promised land. I thought of them and how they murmured and complained in the wilderness on their way to the promised land. They wanted to go back . Return to what they knew and into slavery, instead of continuing into what the Almighty, Sovereign God had planned for them. They were scared, filled with anxiety and doubt. Even after God showed them his power and love, providing manna and water, and many other examples of his power and presence, they still wanted more. I thought, how senseless of them. Didn’t they know they were in God’s tender hands and covered by his love and mercy? I mean, they saw His power on display back in Egypt, with plagues that they were spared from, and how God passed over their first-born sons, if they put blood on the door frames. They wanted to return to Egypt, and I realized human nature does not change. I wanted to go back, and I ignored all the times God showed me his power, authority, love, and mercy in my life. God had shown me his power and authority through my husband’s job. He provided a wonderful home in a great neighborhood; our house in TX sold quickly. Still, I had so much anxiety and fear which led to a spirit of murmuring and complaining. All I could think was how hard a time I was having, and if I could just go back, the kids would be better off. How senseless of me!!
God is so patient and loving. This became very evident to me in the weeks and months following our move. God gave me two great friends, almost immediately. They were there for me to encourage me, pray for me, and welcome me with open arms. Around the same time it became quickly evident that my son was going to need some help in math. God divinely led us to a fantastic tutoring center. My son passed his math class and saw the importance of hard work and determination. The blessing did not stop with a passing grade. I made another friend, and eventually my son worked for this center, working his way up to Assistant Head Instructor. I was struggling but I was not abandoned. God continued to pour Himself into me in lavish ways. I did not deserve such care.
I have had many ups and downs over the three years of living here, but I continue to trust God for guidance and direction. I must remind myself to run the race with perseverance, and most importantly, I am not alone on this journey. I know this promise was for Joshua as he was leading the people into the promised land, but I have claimed it for myself: “No one will be able to stand against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you.” Joshua 1:5. No one or thing can stop me on this journey, except, I guess myself. And since I feel God called me to this journey, I want to be faithful to stay the course and bring God glory. I remind myself I am not alone and even though some days it is all uphill, with no plateau in sight, I keep going. For no one can stand against me because God is for me. My prayers have changed from those winter mornings of dropping off kids. God has grown me in my faith and attitude. The journey so far has been worth it, if for nothing else, I have learned to trust God more. My prayer now is that God will be glorified through my life. This will give me the meaning and purpose I have been seeking. I have tried to stop complaining about the trials along the way, and just enjoy the journey, but to be honest, this is very difficult. We all want an easy path; resistance is discouraging. If I could change my mindset and look at some of these times as God’s love to me. Opportunities to strengthen me, grow me, and mature me, I would be much better off. I have no idea what is next, but I am excited to see how Jesus guides me and continues to provide His presence with me.
No matter what journey you are on or where you are on that journey, I encourage you to trust God. He knows what is best for each of us and how to accomplish it for His glory and our good.
Peace in the Desert 