I feel like I have done a lot of wandering in the wilderness of life over the past 22 years. Never quite sure where I would end up. Many moves, new houses, schools for kids, and new churches have left me feeling alone and wandering. Where are my roots? Who are my people? Where do I fit in? Will I always be the outsider?
I am a stay-at-home mom to three wonderful children. I am blessed to be able to do that full time. But, it has left me feeling lost most days. Who am I? I have dedicated my life to serving my family and in doing that I lost myself. Trying to stay on top of everything and everyone is tough. Now the kids are getting older and launching out into their own lives. Two have left the nest. That is what is supposed to happen. It is what we all want for our children, to be successful outside of the home. But, now what?
What is my purpose? For the past several years I have felt like I was in a desert place. This could be defined as a barren or desolate area especially: A dry, often sandy region of little rainfall, extreme temperatures and spare vegetation. And an empty or forsaken place. If I am willing to accept that I am truly in a desert place, barren and desolate, then am I really trusting God’s promise that He will never forsake me (Deuteronomy 31:6). The truth that He is with me gives me hope and joy even when circumstances don’t change immediately.
I studied Genesis this year and I was so encouraged. I may be in a desert place – but God has meaning and purpose for it. He will meet me there. And more than that He will provide for me. The story of Hagar, Genesis 21, is a great example of this. Even though she had been rejected by Abraham and her household, God saw her in the desert and supplied all her needs. He spoke to her through an angel and cared about what was distressing her and Ishmael. She was running out of water and thought she and Ishmael would die. Not only did he fulfill his promise to make Ishmael into a great nation through his descendants, He opened her eyes and she was able to see a well full of water.
So, while I wait in my desert place I choose to seek peace. Not give the enemy any space to tempt me back to unbelief and doubt. Honestly, this is a daily struggle. The thought “what about me?” “what is my purpose?” “what will I do when the last child leaves the nest?” constantly rears it ugly head to tempt me to worry and dwell in anxiety. I have a choice, believe God’s promise of Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.”, or not and go into despair. Praise God! He faithfully shows up and encourages me to trust in Him. He comforts me and gives me peace through His Word. This is why it is so important to stay connected to God through daily Bible reading and study. I am also grateful for friends who share their own stories of how God showed up in their life and provided their needs at just the right time. I realize I can have peace in this world.
I am on a journey and through Bible study and Holy Spirit enlightenment the scriptures have come alive this year. This blog is just about how God shows me Himself either in everyday activities or through the study of His Word. Some days are good and some are bad but one thing I know for certain is He is an amazing God and worthy of my trust and adoration. In times of doubt I remember what God said to Joshua. “As I was with Moses, so I will be with you”, Joshua 1:5. I just say to myself, I am not alone and the same God who was with Moses is with me. This brings peace. And don’t we all need more peace in our lives?
Peace in the Desert 